when you had an appointment and got to leave during the middle of school it was always so fucking triumphant like “haha bye you dumb sons a bitches, i’m gonna go get my teeth cleaned and then eat mcdonalds. where you at”
HOW DOES POPCORN EVEN DO THAT THING
HERE I SHOW YOU THE THING
when your parents ask you to help them with technology
Alexa Vega talking about Lady Gaga’s cameo in Machete Kills.
I was standing in line at dairy queen and I saw an elderly lady crying because she didn’t have enough money to pay for her small blizzard, so I bought her a large and helped her out to her car, and she cried and said ” I hope God made someone just for you out in the world so that they can treat you as special as you are” and I am sobbing right now.
i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and enjoy symphony no. 9 a la my asshole
when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
This is a drunk guy in a McDonalds in town stuck in a baby chair
fucking love Ireland